Learning.

As beautiful lovers we are lost outside our hearts.
I lure you away from yours and
You captured mine from the start.

Breakups bring out the Angels!

I was hating myself last night after work. So I decided to buzz my head -- get a new thang going. I understand this is a very cliche activity for those suffering heart-break, but anybody who would knock it is either a fool or simply naive. It helped.

But I did a crappy job, so I had to go in this morning to get it fixed up by a professional.

My stylist was friendly and she had to laugh about the quality of my self-hack-job. We got to talking about relationships. She was so sympathetic to my divorce situation, I could tell she'd been on both sides of the separation thing. She really understood!

The uplifting, miraculous part of the conversation was her description of her current relationship: I am not sure how she did it, but she described, almost perfectly, how I imagine two lovers could relate to one another. It made me feel so good to hear that these two people were experiencing such a thing.

It gave me hope!

I have been feeling so ridiculous for believing in my dreams of interpersonal love -- feeling responsible for my failed relationship because I know I wanted it to be more than it was. Feeling so foolish for not loving what I had more, as if more love could have saved it.

And then on the other side, the side of me that recognizes my mortal inability to control these things, I have been loathing mankind in general; feeling that we are a cursed and hopeless species, etc, etc.

But my stylist's story blew all of those thoughts away. She reminded me that dreams are worth believing in. That they can come true.

I can't say today has been great, but it is a fraction better than yesterday, and that is seriously awesome in itself.

My Homeless Angel

Chris, the Mason. His suit is only slightly dirty. He looks astounding, considering his lifestyle. He has a nice scottish cowboy hat. His beard looks good. His eyes sparkle. Oh he is a good one, yes, he is.

I am smoking a cigarette in Venice. Drinking a coffee during my work break. I had walked to my car to cry; I got it out of my system. Now coffee and smoke. My heart still aches.

He approaches, "It was Mother's Day on Sunday," he says. I smile, yes. Yes, God Bless our mothers. "Care for a cigarette?" I ask. Yes. I light him. He asks if I celebrated Mother's Day, "Right?" Did I get fucked up?

I said, "Oh yes, I was totally fucked on Mother's Day."

"Were you drinking wine or the hard stuff," he asks.

I laugh. "Oh, shit, man, I was doing the hardest stuff: True Love!"

He laughs. We talk about life. About people. About how so many folks act like they don't know you. We shake our heads.

"It's in the Bible, you know," he says.

I nod. "Hell yah it is."

He gets curious. He says, "What do you think is in the Bible?"

I explain, "I like the Psalms. It's like poetry that really just says it the way it IS."

He glows and nods. He tells me he is a brick-layer. He built most of Marina del Rey. I tell him my family are carpenters. I explain that I don't build houses -- I build virtual reality. I am programmer. He appreciates. The times change, but our work does not.

We agree that we are all one. That you must always do a good job. You must try your best to do it right. "Step it up TWO LEVELS!" like my boy Rockin Seven Deven Electric Eleven says it. He understands.

He tells me a story about a party he once stumbled across. Everyone was dancing and making merry, and he did some of his own dancing. A man came up to him and said, "You look like you need something." He was thinking like, "What the &$#% does that mean?" But the cat pulls out a $20 and hands it to him. He was like O.K. The cat says, "No, you know, I think you need more than that," opens his wallet and pulls a $100 bill out for Chris. Two more bills just like it slip out and fall on the ground. The cat walks off. $320 gift from a stranger!

Chris saved my heart today. I want anyone who reads this to know: Magic is real. Angels are real. Stick with it. It hurts so much, I know it does -- I am in a gnarly place. But this is life, and we are here. So be here!

I am not afraid to Love. I love and love and love and love -- my heart opens. I bloom! See me! Here I stand! I hope to see you soon too...love...