True Love Is?

Somebody assumed I have a broken heart, in light of everything.

But check this out: My actual experience is that I know -- because it is the truth -- that I truly surrendered to love. There is nothing to regret about that! It is a choice that is endless, and this new chain-of-events is but more odd capitulation to that divine schematic. I deeply feel that to be true.

I did not begin our relationship with that clarity. I did not know what I wanted. I did not know what love was. But I learned over time, because I was willing, because love is the only way, and because Leticia was the girl.

So it took me over 7 years of seeing the impact of my ignorant, mortal ways on her continence to cause me to realize, on a much deeper level, the heart of Woman. Once I began to see that, once I begin to realize that I am nothing without that love, the surrender of my mad-passion became much easier.

None-the-less, as I was becoming aware of the awesome potential of Relationship, I was actually neglecting the real person representing that concept. I see this as my mistake, and I can't really beat myself up about it because, obviously, I needed to learn what I learned.

So I am not broken-hearted. Rather, I feel healed. I feel more alive and equiped to love again than ever before. And I do entertain myself with the possibility that she feels the same way. Rather than make me sad, it makes me happy to think of that little girl -- who I love -- feeling the love of a man prepared to love her without his past. It will make her happy, and she is wonderful beyond all words when she is happy!

On my side, I more actively hope for such an occaision to arise! I imagine that I too have learned something about the ebb and flow of relationship. I too have forsaken many childhood expectations of love and marriage. And so, I do feel prepared (and eager) to find someone with whom to try again.

I do not anticipate the process of finding such a person. This seems to be the most painful part, and I think I understand how divorce can easily lead into new disasterous relationships: It is very sad -- marriage rigously prepares the heart, mind, and body for a lifetime together. . .to not have that, suddenly, is to make my all of my struggle in vain. So, if I find a woman that I perceive to be honest with me, is willing to try, and I find attractive, I will move much, much faster this time. Why not?

I do not fear making the same mistakes again, because I was given plenty of time in a very loving environment to understand the errors of my last relationship. And whereas I could have been gluttonous with that opportunity (ok, so I was too), Leticia was a good mama and made sure I did not forget my lesson.

So what have I got to lose? I believe God is great, and I do believe life is an opportunity to experience the bounty of His blessing. So I go forward peacefully.